damn it. I don’t think anyone even reads my little notes but I was going to come on here and rant and rave about how shitty my life is right about now, but I feel so uncomfortable doing so.. I can’t stand the thought of life anymore. 

I have come to the sad realization that the only reason I haven’t and won’t kill myself, is because I have no life insurance and all of my bills would be put on my friends and family. That, and it of course is incredibly selfish. My friends and family would be devastated. I can’t imagine how I would feel.

So, I am watching diary of a wimpy kid… and it is annoying. Is this how I was in middle school? So eager to be popular and noticed? I don’t recall but if I were then thats ridiculous, even high school movies, now I am only 2 years out of high school so I KNOW I wasn’t the way movies portray high school students. Not in my high school anyways. I feel like my life is just nothing…I think I will give TV up for a bit. It’s depressing.

So after my first post.. I may or may not continue this.. I was reading a few blogs and this may seem silly but they’re intimidating. Their blogs make sense. I’m using mine as a journal. I am 21 yrs. old and I feel like an insecure 14 yr. old in the locker room. What am I doing with my life?

I decided to start a blog(obviously). I watched that movie Julie&Julia…. ever since then I’ve wanted to write a blog. It’s unlikely of course that anyone will read this but eh. So having said that I can’t decide if I should write this as a journal type thing or as if I’m talking to someone. I guess time will tell. Though I can’t see anyone caring enough or bored enough to read through my random thoughts that just come without warning. I sometimes wonder if anyone else is in their head the way I am. All. The. Time. I am hoping this blog will help with that, though I may just think about the blog just as much. Well I think I am going to go. Today was no buenos.